What We're Reading Now

      When you walk through the front door to our house, directly in front of you on the left is a long, old table.  Under the table is the cave where shoes and reusable grocery bags live.  On top of it, you'll find a random assortment of objects waiting to be returned to their proper homes or things on their way into or out of our house.  It is where keys live, it is where my cover for work sits when I'm home, it's where library books await return, and where bills and junk mail go to die.

      This table also features The Stack (also refered to as "The Pile").  It is a tall, teetering tower of reading material that was either started and abandoned or is waiting it's turn.  The Stack is my version of a To-Read list.  It's not all inclusive, but I don't think I could ever come up with an all inclusive list in any format.  Right now, The Stack includes a couple issues each of Urban Farm magazine, Working Mother magazine, Natural Living magazine, Parents magazine, The New York State Bar Association Journal, The American Bar Association Journal, The Animal Advocate, UU World, and probably a couple other random magazines I've picked up here and there.  And there are books.  A bunch of them.  A couple of them are MacGyver's, but most of them are mine, and honestly, I can't even remember what they all are right now.  I know there are a couple Janet Evonovich novels for when I need something light.  I know there are a couple of Ecologically minded books I've recently acquired in there.  I'm pretty sure there is also a smattering of other novels that looked good and made it onto the pile. 

     But I've barely touched it the last couple weeks.  The Stack has grown and grown, and it had begun to taunt me.  To tease me and torture me with good things waiting to be discovered.  "Touch, explore, READ ME," it beckoned every time I walked by.

     But we were SO busy, and there just. wasn't. time.

     Isn't that always the case?  I mean, when IS there ever time for reading for pleasure in the life of a working mom?  On the commute?  Nope, I don't live where there are trains anymore, and sadly, I can't read and drive.  In the tub?  HA!  I can't even remember the last time I had time for a relaxing bath (meaning one where no one - Flinstone or MacGvyer - ended up in the tub with me).  Before bed?  To be quite frank, I usually do other things for pleasure at that time - or a pass the frig out as soon as I come within 2 feet of the bed.

      Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not in some sort of black whole of reading.  I actually read a TON.  I read for work all day long.  Of course, given the choice the stuff I read for work wouldn't be at the top of the list - or even on it.  I catch random articles here and there through news feeds.  I read blogs when I've decided I've earned a break during work.  It's just the books and magazines in The Stack (and on my Nook, and scattered randomly throughout every. room. of. the. house.) that were getting to me.  I mean, even just a few weeks ago I was reading more.  I read Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe (which was AWESOME, by the way, highly recommend).  I used to make it through at least one magazine a week, dragging them along in the diaper bag or keeping them tucked underneath my placemat at the dinner table (not that I would ever read during dinner - that would be a big no-no, but in the morning while I drink my tea, etc).

     But the last couple weeks I've just been go-go-going every moment before work, at work, and the second I walk through the door.  It's probably Fall.  I've been super motivated to get things done lately and have about 600 projects in mind, but just keeping up on the housework is enough to keep me from ever picking up a book.

     Actually, lately, I've been the only one in our family not reading.  I mean, we are all readers, but usually I'm way out front reading 2 books and 3 magazines at once, leaving a trail of devoured items in my wake.  But right now MacGvyer is reading Ender's Game in addition to his usual diet of Popular Science, Urban Farm, Popular Mechanics, and Handyman.  We're reading Punky Wellspring of Magic at bedtime, and she has to read 20 minutes every evening for school PLUS 5 books/chapters of books for every half hour she wants of mindless screen time (TV or computer/DS games).  Even Flintstone can often be seen toting one of a dozen Dr. Seuss board books around the house at any given moment, though his idea of devouring a book is a little more literal at this point.  He's finally liking to actually sit and have [short] stories read to him, and we read him Time to Sleep, my Love at bedtime.

      EVEN BOO - who reads approximately one book every 2 or 3 years - read about 5 books while he was here.

     So I really need to step up my game.  I started Pride and Prejudice on my Nook a while back; I'm going to work on finishing that off.  I've finally broken into The Stack again and pulled out an issue of Working Mother and an issue of Urban Farm.  I'm taking back my morning tea time - it's only 10 minutes, usually, but it is 10 minutes of complete quiet when I can just sit and drink tea and read.

      That is, unless Flintstone continues on with his new plan to get up when I get up every morning . . .  ;-)

     What are YOU reading right now? 
      When do you find time to read?
      What are you reading as a family?
      What are your kids reading?

Mom Guilt

Originally Posted:

Dec 6, 2010 11:21 AM

I hate dropping Flintstone off at day care.  He only goes for about 12 hours a week, max, but that doesn't make me hate it any less.  He's always so bright eyed and cheerful first thing in the morning.  He's excited and full of smiles every time I make eye contact.  I feel like I'm giving the best part of the day to the child care ladies. 

I have a lot of mom guilt.  A good friend of mine here at work, Capt Degu (a degu looks kinda like a chincilla), often talks about how we all have these very high ideals of how we're going to raise our kids before reality gets a hold of us.  She was never going to get a DVD player for her car or feed her son (now 3) processed crap.  Then they went on a long car trip.  They stopped at a Best Buy a couple hours in and got a travel DVD player.  And her husband often feeds the little man box mac n' cheese, and, while she'd like to protest, there just isn't time to make it - or anything else sometimes - from scratch.  High ideals are important because they make us better parents, but, in the end, you can't beat yourself up over reality or you'll start missing the good things.

I still beat myself up over reality a lot of times, though.  I get more time with Flintstone than a lot of working moms.  I have him in my office for about 6 hours a week and I'm able to go home at lunch time (though he's usually napping then, which makes me pout).  And yet I still feel like I'm gone too much.  When I get home at night, there's dinner to be made, laundry and dishes to be done, and Punky needs time, too.  But I just want to spend every minute of that time playing with Flintstone.

One of my weekly emails about baby development this week said "You've probably memorized at least 3 baby books by now."  What?  I barely read to him (well, that's not true; I read my legal journals and parenting magazines to him, but not baby books).  I've read him The Lorax a couple times, but that's it.  No baby books.  Now I feel like a horrible mom.  Because I LOVE reading.  I read all the time.  But I haven't been engaging Flintstone with books.

And I leave him at daycare during his brightest, happiest time of day.

With women who think he's a girl.

Actually, a lot of people think he's a girl.  He's usually dressed in green or brown.  And, quite honestly, I really couldn't care less whether people think he's a boy or a girl.  He's an infant.  It makes no difference.  I would MUCH rather have people mistaking him for a girl than forcing gender stereotypes on him at 3 months old.  And, besides, I know why people think he's a girl.  It's because he's sooooo pretty.  He really is.  I tell him all the time.  Even MacGyver has given in to calling him pretty.  Because he just is.  He has huge dark blue eyes with the longest black eyelashes, and those beautiful eyes are set off beautifully by his bright pink lips.  The pictures above don't quite capture it, but they were the best I had on my phone (I took the smiling one while he was hanging out with me at work).  He is just a downright beautiful boy.  I wish I was more skilled with a camera so I could capture just how pretty his eyes are.

Ha, and there's a little bit of mom guilt peeking out again.  As if my lack of an eye for photographing humans somehow makes me a less devoted mom.  Ugh.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty about all the little things.  I know that if one of my friends said all this to me, I would tell them they're being way too hard on themselves.

I read an article recently.  I don't remember where - possible the Washington Post, but I'm not sure.  About how working parents "these days" are, on average, spending larger amounts of time with their children.  On the surface, it looks like a good thing, but apparently this trend is causing other things to suffer - housework, job performance, marital satisfaction, and the quality of the time spent with the children.  I'm not too worried about the housework suffering.  I mean, I hate that it does.  It drives me nuts when neither of us has enough time to do the dishes for a couple days and the just PILE up.  But I'd rather bond with my babies.  The job performance peice is a tricky one.  I know there are other studies that show that offices with policies that work with parents actually increase productivity.  I imagine the workplaces that suffer from parents spending more time with their kids are those that don't try to accomodate that, causing increased stress and conflict for the worker.

Marital satisfaction - well, that just comes down to making your whole family a priority.  The marital relationship is just as important as the parental if you want the family to stay together.  Which reminds me, I haven't done a post about MacGyver's birthday . . .

Then there's that last one:  The quality of time together.  The article pointed out that if you're sacrificing a lot in other areas to increase the quantity of time with your kids, it can negatively impact the quality of the time.  Increased multitasking and all that jazz.  I know that some nights, Flintstone spends an hour or two just hanging out in the Moby strapped to the front of me while I try to get some of the aforementioned housework done.

So I should drop the guilt and focus on the quality of our family time.  Focus on the quality of my interactions with Flintstone.  That is what I should do.  But that mom guilt still peeks around every corner.  You know I'll be buying a couple new baby books this weekend.